Tears and Tantrums

If I had a pound today for every time I've said " Don't do that", "I've asked once " and " Will someone please listen to Mummy" I would be a millionaress!

It has been one of those days today, honestly, not a good day for me or the girls!

Bel came back from her grandparents yesterday and after meeting them in Powis Castle (halfway for both of us), and being told that Bel ate really well at her grandparents ( but not for me when we got her a box of food with cheese roll in it), and about how good she'd been, I kinda knew that things would go down hill from there.

Today we thought we'd have a day at home. We had to go shopping for some new school uniform stuff for Bel, then we thought we'd be all touristy and go up the local hill, by railway and have food. It was all going well(ish) until we left the house and I asked Bel not to swing round the lampost (for the xth time this year!!).
It seems that my eldest daughter does not want to listen to me, I don't know whether she doesn't hear what I ask her not to do, or when I ask her what she wants to eat.. or whether she hears it as BLABLABLA but communication is not happening!!

My youngest also decided that trying to run away when getting back into the house while trying to keep an eye on her and Bel with a shopping bag, the paper, the changing bag, the nappies (that Bel was carrying in a random hmmphy fashion) (Neb was carrying shopping from car) was a great idea and watching mummy swear and scream was funny.

I love my girls dearly and by the end of the afternoon even BEL was making me laugh.. this is the conversation we had, walking back along the promenade to the car in the wind laughing at a seagull thinking about getting into the sea....

"Do seagulls swim"

"Yes"

"Oh, thats OK then, its safe now Mr Seagull you can go in!"

I actually think that sometimes it isn't them it is me.

I'm not having the best weekend as it would have been my mum's birthday on Monday. I miss my mum so much and wish that she was here so I could ask her all the questions about the children, if I was like this at their age, if she felt sometimes that I was against her...........

My mum would have been 58 this year. I miss her so much - people say that time heals all, but after losing her 7 years ago I have not healed. I missed her so much on my wedding day when I was crying going down the aisle of our local chapel wishing she was there, I missed her after the births of my two daughters when she wasn't there to hold them and me. I JUST MISS HER and I WANT HER BACK.
I'm sorry if I'm depressing you guys, but think of me on Monday, the trying not to shout, the mad mother acting as a knight/princess depending on mood, walking round a castle with my children but feeling like shit inside!

BNM