The blogging closet

Now if you've been here a while you know that I blog anonymously. I'm here at the moment in the cosy space I'd like to call the blogging closet. Its warm and protective but maybe it should be a little like this:

So why do you wonder am I in it. Well I can count on one hand the number of people that know I blog and none of them are family.

You see I started to blog when things were a bit tense with me and Neb and after reading a few blogs, thought I can do that and its been very cathartic for me, letting me air the feelings in my head, in short it has stopped me screaming at him and prevented a marriage breakdown!

And what has it bought me, this blogging life has bought me a great deal of fun, it has brought me new friends, new chances that I never knew was out there.

It has led me to review many things (or win competitions if you ask Neb!) and to be a part of the new blossoming blogging community, be it mummy or otherwise!

So would I step out of it, after a conversation on Bloggers Ed forum it has made me realise that blogging anonymously has its advantages and its disadvantages.

I may not be able to join anyone at events and get drunk and put lights down my top, or dance in lifts ( you know who you are!) but I have made some good friends, both here and on the other side of the atlantic!

One day I may meet you all, when I'm old and grey but currently I have more of an advantage on doing this my way, anonymously , letting my feelings and my ramblings out, documenting the funny moments in my life, sharing my madcap life with you!

Did you know that there are a few of us who are in this closet, here are some who are happy to share their experiences for you:

 Firstly let me introduce Emma over at Mummy Musings, she was more than happy to share her answers with us all!

1) Why did you decide to start blogging? 

I joined Twitter when I was pregnant and kept seeing links to blog posts, then all the hype of cybermummy and the Mads and I wanted to be part of it.  I wanted to have a blog to keep a record of C growing up but I also wanted to be part of the whole blogging community.  I finally got round to starting my blog in April this year after umming and ahhing about it for a couple of months.

2) What made you decide to blog anonymously?

 I post photos on my blog so I'm not anonymous in that sense but nobody in real life knows about my blog.  I didn't tell my husband as I didn't really think he'd 'get it'.  He doesn't understand Twitter (why would people want to chat with complete strangers?) and now its been 7 months since I started I feel like I can't tell him anymore as he'd want to know why I didn't confess sooner!

3) Do you feel like telling real life people about the blog?

 I almost tell my husband at least once a week and yes, I'd like him to know, if only so I could maybe attend some meet-up or events.  If a friend or family member ever questioned me about whether I have or would have a blog I'd probably say yes but be quite nonchalant about it.  I think it would probably change how I wrote my blog if I knew people I knew were reading it.

4) In your opinion, will you ever step out of the closet?

  I hope so, to my husband at least!  I'm not bothered about anyone else really but I'd like to tell him one day.

Emma's story is so familiar because there are days when I've nearly told Neb, and with Bel's reading getting better I have to angle the laptop away from her!

Next we have bumbling, who is possibly only here because she's too embarrased to step out there. She blogs over at BumblingAlong

1) Why did you decide to start blogging?

I read blogs for years - *years* - before I started blogging. Moo was coming up on a year old. I was just back at work. I wanted to connect with mummy people still.

2) What made you decide to blog anonymously?

I'm a lawyer. I specialise in data protection law - what most people would think of as privacy law... But you know, that wasn't the real reason. I wanted to see what I wanted to write, before I decided whether other people I knew in real life could read it. Would it be too personal? I'm a very private person, who doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve. I'm the strong one. The blog allowed me the opportunity to let the other side of me out. If it wanted out.

3) Do you feel like telling real life people about the blog?

Yes! And I have. Some. My sisters know. One of my sisters lives in the US, and is an "internet" kind of person - she gets it (lives in Silicon Valley). I thought she'd appreciate it, and understand why I was doing it. And then it felt rude not to tell the other.

And I told my sister in law, as she was the grateful recipient of a buggy I was given to review for Maclaren when her little boy arrived 10 weeks early.

Other people know I sometimes review things online, and that I'm on twitter. But I don't give away URLs or twitter ID's...

And I have met lots of bloggy people in real life, some of whom have been a great support and really great friends. The online world know the real me, but the real world doesn't know the online me... And I spoke at Cybermummy last year, in a professional context. I'd like to do more of that kind of thing, and that would be easier if I told people I blogged.

4) In your opinion, will you ever step out of the closet?

Yes. And soon. I've started making more oblique references to what I do online, rather than just avoiding the question. And if someone asks me outright I will definitely tell them. It's hard not to. I'm excited about my online life. It's real life too. And it begins to get difficult to answer questions like "where did you meet x or y" when the answer is on twitter...

But to be honest, I didn't really end up writing as personally as I thought I might. I wrote one or two very personal posts, and a poem, which I have since deleted. I just wasn't comfortable with them associated even with my online persona. I am part of the blognonymous team, and I'm proud to say I've used their service when I've needed to get really personal. I'm still much more open online than I am offline, but maybe that should teach me how I should be offline, rather than the other way around...

So not so much in the blogging closet there then, well not to fellow bloggers anyway just hiding away from reality!

And then we have a blogger who steps in and out of the closet often, she's letting a draft in! Muddling Along

1) Why did you decide to start blogging?

I had read about blogging and Mummy blogging through Alpha Mummy (on The Times website) which had planted a seed of possibility and I’d set up a blog on the off chance.  I then read an article suggesting all women who have home births are selfish, badly dressed hippies and was seized with the need to explain that despite having had (and then planning a second) homebirth I was more likely to wear Jimmy Choos and that actually homebirth can be a positive choice and not some kind of weird, put your baby at risk I want to birth to whale music approach.  It sort of snowballed from there, helping me through a difficult pregnancy that meant four months on bed rest.  The rest is history!

Here’s that first big blog http://www.muddlingalongmummy.com/2009/04/home-births-rock-but-more-important-is.html

2) What made you decide to blog anonymously?

When I set up the blog I didn’t actively decide to be anon, at least not to the extent of hiding my identity or making up a whole new anon persona.  What I did was make a choice that I wouldn’t mention the location where we live, anyone’s name except my own and I wouldn’t show pictures which could identify anyone except me.  I did this because of internet paranoia – I didn’t want too much information out there about my family or private life that was easily identifiable.

I also made the blog very separate from my professional life – I didn’t want work to be able to find it (I must be the only blogger that is happy that googling my name doesn’t bring up the blog for about 4 search pages) or there to be any way to link between the ‘professional’ me and the blogging me.  This is really key for me – I am not sure that people who I come across in my professional life would understand the blogging or would regard it in a good light.
 

I've tried Googling my real name and thankfully my blog doesn't come up at all.

Does anyone in my work even know what blogging is ? probably not!

3) Do you feel like telling real life people about the blog?

I didn’t tell anyone in real life about the blog for a long time.  I think it was about a year (when I was up for a MAD) when I mentioned it in passing to my best friend.  I do now mention it to some real life people but it’s a little hard to do having not told people you’ve been doing something for this long.

4) As you are half in and half out of the closet- will you explain why you have stepped out from under the clothes?

I made a conscious decision to go to blogger events – I reckoned that there was little chance that it would collide with my professional life and I’ve always asked that people don’t publish identifiable pictures of the girls.

What has happened is that people from my real life have discovered the blog.

One of my university friends had had my blog page recommended to her by Facebook (NOTE: if you are going to be really anon set up a separate Facebook persona, yes Facebook says you can’t have multiple accounts but it stops Facebook undermining your attempts to stay stealthy) and had then read it – in fact she read over a hundred posts over the course of a couple of evenings and then emailed me to say ‘um I seem to have found your blog!’.  Once I got over the shock I realised it wasn’t the end of the world.

When I had a recent crisis and mentioned it on the blog I discovered that in fact many people in real life had found and were reading the blog – getting there by a variety of routes from other blogs or seeing pictures of me at the MADs on Facebook and having a nosy about what awards dinner it could be - but definitely there and reading.  It’s sort of made it easier that they’ve found it.

Do I now tell people in real life?  I do have some of my blog cards in my purse and yes, there are now some people I mention it to – people who I think might be interested.

Would I want to be in the national press?  It would be very difficult, I’m not sure how it’d play with work or my family finding out and I sort of prefer to hide in the shadows.  I like being in the shadows – bloggers know my name and I don’t hide that it’s me but I definitely have a separation around the blogging me to keep it out of parts of my life.

So out of the closet, but blogging in the shadows, staying close to the closet if needed... you are always welcome to come back in.

And me, has getting other people's opinions changed me, will I step out into the light.

No I think I will stay here for a bit longer, one day I may be brave and let Neb know, but there may need to be some deleting first!!

Bye for now.

BNM

PS If you want to know more about how this blog got its name then why not visit The Dotterel over at Bringing Up Charlie this weekend, he may have more information for you.