Bah Humbug!
Yes, hello all I'm still here even if I still have this darn cold. (Its not the flu!! but I do think I may be a bit burnt out after working so darned hard this year!)
Anyway, if you are looking for Christmas Cheer I have none, I still feel like crap and it doesn't help that I've taken the next few days off so I could get things done!! So not going to happen!! Well it may tomorrow, but today I have not got dressed at all!! I have sat in my dressing gown all day (proving to be closer to my name than any other time!!) and I have not moved from this sofa much at all.
To be honest, I feel lacking in Christmas cheer, yes we have decorations up, tree in corner, chocs a plenty, presents bought but I feel so un-christmassy. I think tis the time of year, a time where I miss my mum more than anything. I love seeing how happy the girls get but I think I may have lost the Christmas spirit. I sat and watched Noel's Christmas presents (I've put a link in for all you not in the know!) earlier and just cried and cried. Not just for the people on there who do so much, but for my own loss.
I know I still grieve for her so much, and this time of year is worse. I have to be happy and ready and Christmassy and be polite and the good daughter in law (for spending time at in laws), and be a good mother and enjoy my daughters opening their presents but this is one daughter who misses so much. I need her here but I know that will never be, I need her hug, her smell, her laugh. I wish I could just pick up the phone and hear her voice one more time.......
If anyone has any ideas how to find my Christmas spirit again then I would be grateful.
But as I know tomorrow is another day, one where I must get dressed and do, because I can't just sit around and do nothing can I?
BNM
Anyway, if you are looking for Christmas Cheer I have none, I still feel like crap and it doesn't help that I've taken the next few days off so I could get things done!! So not going to happen!! Well it may tomorrow, but today I have not got dressed at all!! I have sat in my dressing gown all day (proving to be closer to my name than any other time!!) and I have not moved from this sofa much at all.
To be honest, I feel lacking in Christmas cheer, yes we have decorations up, tree in corner, chocs a plenty, presents bought but I feel so un-christmassy. I think tis the time of year, a time where I miss my mum more than anything. I love seeing how happy the girls get but I think I may have lost the Christmas spirit. I sat and watched Noel's Christmas presents (I've put a link in for all you not in the know!) earlier and just cried and cried. Not just for the people on there who do so much, but for my own loss.
I know I still grieve for her so much, and this time of year is worse. I have to be happy and ready and Christmassy and be polite and the good daughter in law (for spending time at in laws), and be a good mother and enjoy my daughters opening their presents but this is one daughter who misses so much. I need her here but I know that will never be, I need her hug, her smell, her laugh. I wish I could just pick up the phone and hear her voice one more time.......
If anyone has any ideas how to find my Christmas spirit again then I would be grateful.
But as I know tomorrow is another day, one where I must get dressed and do, because I can't just sit around and do nothing can I?
BNM
It's so hard; I know what you mean. Half the time, when you miss someone so much, the normality, the jollity, is just an act. Then suddenly, the act becomes reality again one day.
ReplyDeleteKeep pretending xx
Many hugs, my friend. I know it's hard.
ReplyDelete((( ))), I can't express in words how you must be feeling but if I could would give you a hug and a shoulder xx
ReplyDeletei don't know what to say except your post moves me. xxx
ReplyDelete