Guest Post Day Strikes Again
Yep, I'm doing it again, I'm not swearing this time but I'm not here.
Today is Little Mummy's Guest Post Day and I'm over here at Glowstars where I may be getting hot under the collar!
Glowstar is a 27 year old mother to 2 little boys , Mr A and TB. She is very busy moving house today, not something I ever recommend you try with two small kids, (something she'll probaly regret sometime about now!). She has been blogging since 2003 and her blog is so fantastic you can vote for her in the MAD's. If you haven't voted yet, you can go over and vote for both her and her husband, Urbanvox.
Anyway enough rambling from me, here she is :
I didn't want to go back to work. It wasn't even that I didn't want to work. I just never anticipated that I'd feel that I needed to stay off longer than I'd planned.
Telling my employer the date when I would return was almost painful. It put a time limit on the days I would spend with the boys, it meant that every moment had to count for even more because soon those moments would be numbered.
With my set hours of 09:30 to 17:30 I would be leaving the house at 07:30 and not returning until 19:30. I can cope with 12 hours out of the house; what I cannot cope with is barely seeing my boys. TB's not so bad; he'll stay up until 20:30 without a problem. Mr A seems to rise around 07:00 to 07:30 and starts to want to go to bed any time after 18:30 If I'm lucky I'll get half an hour with him in the morning when he first feeds. At worst case I could go for five days without actually seeing him awake aside from night feeds.
A few weeks ago I requested that my hours be altered. I asked for 08:30 to 16:30 and I was fairly sure they'd say no. From that point I figured there might be compromise and I could end up with 09:00 to 17:00. Not great, but still better than my original hours. I might get to see the boys for a few hours during the week.
Then came the phone call to discuss my return. As ever, my manager and HR representative were careful to avoid committing to anything but they tried to prepare me for the rejection of either options. They tried to convince me that later hours would be a better option, that it would give me more time with my family. I wondered if they'd ever tried to manage the school run and get out to work on time.
I've cried, I've wondered, I've thrown around every alternative I can possibly think of. All I can think of is how my baby isn't ready for me to go back to work, how I'm not ready to go back to work, of those few snatched minutes that I might get with my boys each day. I want to keep breastfeeding; it's the best thing for Mr A, but I wonder if I would be better finding a job closer to home so I can get an extra daily hour with him. I know people would tell me that I could do both, but we all know that in reality no potential employer is going to hire someone who wants an extra 90 minutes a day in breaks just to pump. I'm stuck. Can I do better for Mr A by continuing to breastfeed or by finding a few more minutes in each day to spend with him.
I never knew being a mother could be so emotionally draining.
Today is Little Mummy's Guest Post Day and I'm over here at Glowstars where I may be getting hot under the collar!
Glowstar is a 27 year old mother to 2 little boys , Mr A and TB. She is very busy moving house today, not something I ever recommend you try with two small kids, (something she'll probaly regret sometime about now!). She has been blogging since 2003 and her blog is so fantastic you can vote for her in the MAD's. If you haven't voted yet, you can go over and vote for both her and her husband, Urbanvox.
Anyway enough rambling from me, here she is :
I didn't want to go back to work. It wasn't even that I didn't want to work. I just never anticipated that I'd feel that I needed to stay off longer than I'd planned.
Telling my employer the date when I would return was almost painful. It put a time limit on the days I would spend with the boys, it meant that every moment had to count for even more because soon those moments would be numbered.
With my set hours of 09:30 to 17:30 I would be leaving the house at 07:30 and not returning until 19:30. I can cope with 12 hours out of the house; what I cannot cope with is barely seeing my boys. TB's not so bad; he'll stay up until 20:30 without a problem. Mr A seems to rise around 07:00 to 07:30 and starts to want to go to bed any time after 18:30 If I'm lucky I'll get half an hour with him in the morning when he first feeds. At worst case I could go for five days without actually seeing him awake aside from night feeds.
A few weeks ago I requested that my hours be altered. I asked for 08:30 to 16:30 and I was fairly sure they'd say no. From that point I figured there might be compromise and I could end up with 09:00 to 17:00. Not great, but still better than my original hours. I might get to see the boys for a few hours during the week.
Then came the phone call to discuss my return. As ever, my manager and HR representative were careful to avoid committing to anything but they tried to prepare me for the rejection of either options. They tried to convince me that later hours would be a better option, that it would give me more time with my family. I wondered if they'd ever tried to manage the school run and get out to work on time.
I've cried, I've wondered, I've thrown around every alternative I can possibly think of. All I can think of is how my baby isn't ready for me to go back to work, how I'm not ready to go back to work, of those few snatched minutes that I might get with my boys each day. I want to keep breastfeeding; it's the best thing for Mr A, but I wonder if I would be better finding a job closer to home so I can get an extra daily hour with him. I know people would tell me that I could do both, but we all know that in reality no potential employer is going to hire someone who wants an extra 90 minutes a day in breaks just to pump. I'm stuck. Can I do better for Mr A by continuing to breastfeed or by finding a few more minutes in each day to spend with him.
I never knew being a mother could be so emotionally draining.
This is an awkward one, could you look into using your skills to work for yourself or maybe drop hours for a little while?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you've probably thought through all the suggestions, go with your gut instinct!
Solution = Come move near us & then go work with Jonny and his fast cars! :D xx
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough one, I really feel for you. I have been very, very lucky that I was able to change my hours after having children, and feel I have a reasonable balance (let's face it, it's never quite perfect either way!). I so hope it works out for you too.
ReplyDeleteI am sure with your skills a job nearer home is more than possible. You dont have to say it is so you can pump, but to have more quality time with your family. When I was in recreuitment, good Legal PA's were a goldmine
ReplyDeleteYou made me think today. As someone who has taken a career break to be at home with my boys i am forever moaning about how hard that transition has been. YOu have made me realise how lucky i am in many ways. i really feel for you. Feeling forced to do anything you don't want is really tough.
ReplyDeletehttp://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com
The right option will come up for you, it might take some time and you might kick yourself for not understanding it having been staring you in the face but it will come up.
ReplyDeleteExplore all your options. Honestly, things have a way of working out if we don't get too stressed about them. If you go about looking the perfect job with the perfect hours will come up, even if it takes a while. Good luck with your decisions, I don't envy you the situation and I hope you can get one that works better really soon. Jen.
ReplyDeleteI am mum to twin girls aged 2 in July, the cost of child care has completely blocked out the option of going back to work and I'm so sorry you have to, I agree with the other ladies at trying to find a different solution, I couldn't bare to be away from the girls for all that time all those days.
ReplyDeleteI have just decided I am returning to work in November, my baby is just 5 months at the moment and it is going to be a wrench but when i went back after having my first I did really enjoy it after a couple of months but I was commuting an hour each way but luckily managed to go part time and my boss was really flexible. I relly hope your work gives you some more flexibility, its so difficult and as a mum you constantly feel guilty for everything!
ReplyDeletegood luck on getting the flexibility both you and your boys need x
ReplyDeleteSo I owe BNM a thank you for letting me drop tears over her blog, you guys a thank you for reading and all of you an update.
ReplyDeleteMy employer declined both variations on my application. I asked whether, depending on the role I undertake each week, if I were working for someone who spent earlier hours in the office if I could temporarily do so as well. The answer was no as they didn't want to deal with any variation in my contract.
They also came back with an answer as to how my pumping breaks were to be managed. I worked out that I would need three 30 minute breaks each day. Providing I take one of those breaks during my one hour lunch hour I can take the other two within my regular working hours. It's a small victory, but I guess it's a victory nonetheless.