The elephant in the corner
When is it time to say enough is enough.
When does the proverbial kick up the ass not work anymore.
Things are done and not done yet there in the corner is our elephant.
Neb has still not got a job. And yet he seems to have given up trying. I try and I try to motivate him but it doesn't seem to be enough. I can only circle jobs/ send them to him via email for so long. I cannot physically apply for jobs for him. But there will come a time (thanks Budget makers) in the not so distant future where my wage will not be enough.
I am a proud person and I don't want to have to ask for help and I love him to bits but what effect is this going to have on my daughters upbringing when we need to constantly say "NO we have no money!". It is not as simple as going to the hole in the wall and asking for money when there is none there.
We need to survive yet I seem to be doing it all.
BNMx
When does the proverbial kick up the ass not work anymore.
Things are done and not done yet there in the corner is our elephant.
Neb has still not got a job. And yet he seems to have given up trying. I try and I try to motivate him but it doesn't seem to be enough. I can only circle jobs/ send them to him via email for so long. I cannot physically apply for jobs for him. But there will come a time (thanks Budget makers) in the not so distant future where my wage will not be enough.
I am a proud person and I don't want to have to ask for help and I love him to bits but what effect is this going to have on my daughters upbringing when we need to constantly say "NO we have no money!". It is not as simple as going to the hole in the wall and asking for money when there is none there.
We need to survive yet I seem to be doing it all.
BNMx
Don't you hate that money makes the world go round. I think this is the single thing that my DH and I constantly argue about. I often feel resentful that I have to go to work, even though Id rather be home with my boys but we are in a sticky situation. Hugs friend. I hope it all works out for you and sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteThank you Polly for the hug - sooner would be nice. Men PAH
ReplyDeleteTesting times. My brother-in-law has just started work after nearly eighteen months. Delighted for them, especially their one-year-old daughter... It will happen.
ReplyDeleteI know it won't make you feel any better, but so many people are in the same boat. I am currently at home, myself. Wishing I was working and contributing. Its especially hard since I have a degree in a career that I truly love but is deteriorating at an alarming rate. Keep your chin up, pushing him will only make you both resentful. He has to decide to do it for himself and his family. This is not something that you can do for him. Just keep swimming for now, even if it feels like its all against the current.
ReplyDeleteHugs, dearie.
<3
Oh sweets! I feel for you! Sounds like maybe he's depressed? While I generally don't advocate the drugs the doctors push - maybe he needs to talk to his doctor? Maybe a very low dose anti-depressant might lift him up enough to get motivated. I wish I had the answer . . . or a magic wand. It's hard, I know. Hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteOh sweety, I remember how awful this situation is. My ex was signed off work with depression, and then just wallowed in it instead of trying to get better.
ReplyDeleteWhen he finally did get a job it was only because I refused to work anymore as he wasn't taking care of my boys.
Sorry, not the best of comments...
Neb has to decide for himself to look for a job. Just don't make it easy for him being at home while you're out at work! ;)
*hugs* I hope he finds something soon xxx
Oh my ex was like that. Except that he was expecting me to work and pay the mortgage, bills, creche even with it. Oh and of course, unbeknownst to me, fund his coke habit with it too! Maybe if you sit him down and show him the figures? I really don't have much advice because things got really bad, really fast and I just had to leave with Marie. So I didn't go through this for too long. X
ReplyDeleteI sorry for you, but I'm even more sorry for Neb.
ReplyDeleteHe needs something to build himself up. Why do you not get him a few lorry driving lessons. Or a bus. Anything that kick-starts the problem solver in him.
You honestly are not helping matters ringing in ink his failure whether by leaving on the morning table or the same via e-mail.
What he is going through would be like you being told you could not have kids. It is that traumatic. It hits at his very core.
Vince
ReplyDeleteI understand where your coming from I really do but when there are debts to be paid and food to be bought it is just getting to me. TBH I've stopped circling jobs for him and if I could afford to get him lorry/bus driving lessons I would!!
What he is going through could be stopped if only he looked for jobs he could do (in the area that he has been working for the last x years) and not search for jobs where he has no experience!!
Thanks for the comment- I did think of deleting it but I do understand your point of view - its just I think you need to live life in our house to see it all!
BNM
Oh BNM i really feel for you. I tend to be the one driving things in our household too, and when it comes to pushing your other half it can be really difficult as you want to encourage, but don't want to pressurize someone who is already at a low. I appreciate Vince's comment too as he gives the other perspective which is always important. I hope you find a way to talk this through positively soon.
ReplyDeletehttp://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com
Damn those elephants in the corner!
ReplyDeleteI'm fortunate that I haven't seemed to have any since I left home. My parents had a whole flippin Zoo full.
Turn on the tears daily, men cannot and will not cope with tears!
Massive hug coming your way, you're having a bloody hard time at the moment & doing a great job getting to work yourself while dealing with Car's unsociable hours. It's all very well saying Neb needs to want to do it but when the bank is empty, we all have to do things we don't want to, plus if its made easier for him by parents helping out, there is little incentive. I agree he sounds depressed, if going to the docs is not an option, have u thought about St Johns wort? Doesn't work for everyone but it is good. Thinking of u, u know where I am?
ReplyDelete