I am not an Alpha Mummy and I don't care.

My children are both up and watching Basil Brush while sitting in their pj's on the sofa in the living room whose floor is still a tangled mess of toys, jigsaw parts and crumbs.
When they get dressed into (most probaly) yesterdays clothes (which may or may not be food stained) I may not brush their hair until later on in the day (if I remember) and at 10 a snack of something unhealthy(its Saturday) will be shared.
I will at several points during the day (!!) lose my temper with both of them and in the end decide to sit on the naughty step myself as that is where it is safer! If I could sit there in a cocoon with a glass of wine and the laptop I would be happier!
Both my girls are happy, clean( well unless they've just eaten chocolate and I've forgotten to wash faces!), fed and loved. We play together, learn together and laugh together. So why are we terrorised by the Alpha Mummies - a proper mummy as talked about today in the Guardian.

Am I not a proper mummy, do I need to be perfect to be a proper mummy?

Do I need to have well dressed, smart kids whose uniform looks prestigne every day. In the article Sali Hughes talks about fishing a dirty uniform out of the laundry basket and wiping it with a damp cloth.  Have we not all done this at one point or another.

I remember when Bel was born going to my post natal class and having the leader ask us if anything untoward had happened to the babies yet. I looked up and without thinking said "Bel has rolled off our bed". Many mummies in the room recoiled with shock and horror and not one other mum came over and said me too.

Should we strive to be Alpha Mummies whose children look like they've come from a telly advert or do you mind if my children are possibly a bit dirty round the edges.

BNMx

PS If you are an Alpha Mummy then please don't dismiss me I will strive to get better, I promise (fingers crossed behind back!)

Comments

  1. I'm not an Alpha Mummy either! x

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  2. Me too!!! Wixx

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  3. hee hee I put a CHOCOLATE bunny in my sons pack up yetsreday and TOTALLY flouted school rules told him if anyone said anything to say MUMMY did it!

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  4. Love the post. Lady after my own heart! i blog regularly on the subject of guilt, and why we expect too much of ourselves. Check out "get confessing" at http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com
    great stuff, have added you to my reader

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  5. and now added article to my blog roll!

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  6. Sod it, Alpha mummies are doing what makes them happy.

    Which means we "hope and a prayer" mummies should be left alone to do it in a way that doesn't reduce us to a bag of nerves by going against the grain too.

    There are six zillion ways of bringing up a kid, only three of them are wrong and they involve scarring children physically, emotionally or mentally.

    So instead of worrying about the diversity of mummyness "they" need to go and worry about the Scarring Sisters where "abusive" hasn't become a meaningless term that is interchangeable with "I do it differently and I think you should copy me, cos I'm just so great".

    Less Mummy Olympics might mean more concern and energy getting pointed where it is really needed.

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  7. nicely said sarah

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  8. My name is Tim and I'm not an Alpha Daddy... Has anyone seen my kids - they were here a minute ago?

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  9. Thanks guys - my kids are in the dining room eating breakfast - while I am in here reading my comments with spongebob on - I suppose I better go and check on them!
    Tim have you tried under the table - thats where mine tend to hide!

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  10. And I'm CERTAINLY not an Alpha Mum... or an Alpha Dad for that matter!

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  11. He he; I'm reading this on my I-touch in bed with daughter watching tv at the side of me, both of us eating breakfast in bed. And it's 10am! Definitely not an alpha mummy!

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  12. I'm with you.... I'm too disorganised to be an Alpha Mummy. I bet all these perfect mummies have their moments lol ;-)

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  13. I'm certainly not an Alpha Mummy. But I did set out to be and it does make me sad that I can't do it...

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  14. When I read that first paragraph I thought you had cameras set up in my house! Nuff said :-)

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  15. Great post, I've been meaning to write one along these lines for a while. I'm disorganised, untidy and often late. But my children are happy. I don't feel under pressure to be better though, I'm happy with you I am. Alpha Mummies and I will never have much in common.

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  16. And an Alpha Mummy wouldn't have a typo in her comment either, 'WHO I am'.

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  17. I don't think alpha mummies really exist...their figments of our overactive imagination!

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  18. Alpah Mummies are not so different to the rest of the mummies. I know that because for some strange reason I give off the AM aura at times and believe me, I am not that woman! Right now its 11.37am, we are all in our pj's, brekkie has been toast eaten on the carpet surrounded by toys whilst mummy catches up on the blog posts. We'll rush like nutters to get out of the house soon for 2 parties and I'll scream at everyone in the process. It will be hideous.

    Then I'll get to the parties, start my facepainting & kids crafting session and listen to the "You are so good" comments from mum's who have absolute disbelief on their faces when I try to tell them everything is not as perfect as it seems. Just because I can paint a butterfly on your kid's face does not make me perfect.

    Its frustrating as I want to scream, "I'm just like you" at them and when I do say anything the reaction seems to be "Yeah right. You are one of those mummies".

    No win situation. Sorry, didn't mean to blurt that all out. What I mean to say is, be nice to the AM's, not all of them are what you think.

    MD xx

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  19. Great post. Just before I became a mother for the first time, I asked a friend, and mother of three, for advice. Her answer, 'You're the best mother your child could have, and never forget it'. Which I try and remember through all the bed rolling off/chocolate faced/dirty uniformed moment I, and I'm sure most mothers, have.

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  20. Me and Alpha mummy definitely dont go in the same sentence, I am so disorganised, I am often asked how I even get out of bed in the morning (and thats my husband), others have questioned if I have bought my qualifications of the the internet!

    As for the school uniform, I was laughing out loud at that, I do that at least once a month if not more! God knows I beat myself up when I look at some of the mum;s in the playground but at the end of the day, like ytou've so rightly said, the kids are happy, we are happy and that is the most important thing x

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  21. Modern Dilemma - I'm sorry to have upset you - I do think now that after reading more that we can all be alpha mummies if we tried but me I'm too tired to try!
    Super Little Men - your not that disorganised, have you seen your birthday cakes lately!
    BNMx

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  22. Never was an AM and it's too late now. What I do know is that both of my children will call or email me to ask for advice which they can't ask from anyone else.

    I have a sign in the kitchen saying "Domestic Goddess - Not".

    Let the dirt / ironing pile up a bit but always make sure you can find time to sit down in the mess and read to/with them, chat over a meal and praise their work.

    Mad x

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  23. I think a little bit of crushed Cheerios on an outfit gives it character. I also would prefer to have a child that is happy than one that is terrorised by perfection as it is an unattainable goal. I am a normal mummy coping as best I can, most of us are, those who can't admit to the odd chocolate treat, the TV cartoons or the unfinished laundry are liars (or rich have cleaners, nannies and au pairs to help).

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  24. If a kid isn't grubby at the end of the day, they haven't had a good day. As for your girl rolling of the bed, during the course of one summer, Niamhy (#1 girl), broke her right elbow, then Imogen(#3 girl) split her chin open, Jojo (#2 girl)broke a finger and then Niamhy finished of those 3 months by breaking her left wrist...and I keep my kids safe, honest! Sometimes life just happens. I often think those that are quickest to judge have the most to hide.

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  25. Who are all these Alpha Mummies? Is it just because my son isn't at school yet that I haven't met any? I'm not sure they really exist. I think it's all in our imagination. It's women pressurising themselves again. Jeez, If we could just fix that gene of ours that is so self critical we'd all be much better off. It's probably the reason we're not running the world yet. x

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  26. Being an Alpha mum is too much hard work!

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  27. me too, well it was the sofa not the bed. and she just about missed the edge of a stone table. We're all humans, not machines, and that's not a bad thing for a child to find out about!

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  28. I'm not an alpha mummy, because I'm not a mummy. If, however, I were a mummy, I can tell you with absolute certainty I wouldn't be an alpha one. My ponytails as a child were never, ever, even. And I loved it. Alpha mummies breed alpha babies which, surely, can't be a good thing? x

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  29. Lovely post - I definitely am of the more 'relaxed' variety of mother. I just don't know how Alpha mummy types do it? They are definitely in a cult or something that they're not telling us about x

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