Black Sheep

I may be the black sheep in our family.

On Sunday, I'm going to my cousins daughter's christening and I don't want to go.

There have been issues between me, my aunts and my grandfather. About the fact that apparently I have turned into a horrible niece/granddaughter. The issues range from not taking my children and  myself to see my grandmother before she died and the fact that I don't visit enough.

I'm not proud of being the black sheep but unfortunately I am pig headed and stubborn. I was up to not going to this christening but my husband made me. He said I needed to build bridges but I think they go both ways.

Both my aunts hurt me with their words at my Dad's 60th, they hurt me with their offer of money and the fact that they wouldn't get what I was trying to get across. Luckily, another aunt on my dad's side stepped in and told them this wasn't the time or the place to get angry!

I know that maybe I have been in the wrong, for not seeing my gran before she died, for not taking my kids there, but a) we had no money and b) I don't do death. I went to the funeral but only after saying I wasn't and my dad had to step in and say that I was wanted there. I went and everyone told me how much I looked like my mum, something I can't cope with. I am not her, I am me. But maybe because of this I have alienated myself from her family. I don't know.

Tomorrow should be fine I hope. But a part of me still doesn't want to go.

BNM